Can't Go Back
by ButterflyzDreamz
Summary: Set after the series ended. Rachel never got off the plane, yet she still loves Ross. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

_This story takes place after the season finale, but Rachel never got off the plane. Please read and review. _

Rachel sat in her Paris apartment. Emma was asleep, and now she was truly alone. She wanted to call Monica, but she was busy with the twins. Pheobe was busy with Mike and trying to have a family, and now Joey was in California.All her friends had moved on from their old lives, yet Rachel couldn't seem to do it.

She wasn't happy in Paris. She couldn't speak French, and she often found she had no one to talk to.

"If only Ross..." Rachel started to think, but stopped herself. She'd had her last chance with Ross, and she'd blown it. Now she was alone. She didn't even get to see him anymore. She couldn't leave France much because of a job, so she had to fly Emma to America with her nanny. Now she had no excuses to see him.

Rachel turned on her radio, and a tear sprung to her eye when the radio came on. It was their song. She turned it up, not thinking about Emma.

_See the stone set in your eyes. See the thorn twist in your side. And I wait for you._

She closed her eyes, remembering the day when he first dedicated the song to her. Had it all been her fault? Would they still be together if it hadn't been for the "break"?

_Sleight of hand and twist of fate. On a bed of nails she makes me wait. And I wait without you._

Rachel had always made Ross wait for her. It saw unfair, she knew. He'd been waiting for her since he was fifteen. Now they had a child, and Rachel wanted him more than anything. But she couldn't turn back what she had done. Ross was gone. His heart didn't belong to her anymore. Rachel knew she should have never gotten on that plane. She should never have taken that job in the first place.

_With or without you. With or without you._

Rachel listened to the words. It was true. She couldn't live with Ross, and yet she couldn't bear to live without him. And she knew that having Ross in her life was so much better than him being halfway across the world.

_Through the storm we reach the shore. You give it all, but I want more. And I'm waiting for you._

They had been through so much. Ross worked so hard on their relationship, and Rachel had made it all about her.Nothing Ross did to try and win her back had ever been enough.

_With or without you. With or without you. I can't live, with or without you._

_And you give yourself away. And you give yourself away. And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away._

Ross had always been there for her, and she was never there for him in return. She'd pushed him aside until the moment she wanted him gain. And yet, she'd never stopped wanting him. Rachel had always been in love with Ross. She just didn't want to get hurt again. Rachel had vowed never to trust Ross again after her cheated on her. She now knew she never should have broken it off. She knew Ross would never cheat on her again, that it was just a one time thing.

_My hands are tied, my body bruised, she's got me with, nothing to win and nothing left to lose._

And now Rachel was stuck in Paris, separated from the man she loved, the father of her child. Ross had taken such a leap confessing he still loved her, and yet she'd gotten on the plane. Rachel still couldn't believe she'd gotten on he plane.

_And you give yourself away. And you give yourself away. And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away. _

Rachel checked on Emma before going to bed. The music still played, and Rachel couldn't bring herself to turn it off. It had been so long since she'd heard it. She wondered if Ross was thinking about her.

_With or without you. With or without you. I can't live, with or without you._

_With or without you. With or without you. I can't live, with or without you._

Rachel closed her eyes and blew a kiss to the vision of Ross in her head before letting herself go to sleep.

Lyrics are property of U2.

_How did you like it? I was just listening to that song today and decided to make a fic abut it. Review and tell me if you liked it and maybe I'll add new chapters._


	2. Chapter 2

Ross looked at the picture of Rachel and Emma he kept by his bed. It had been so long since he had seen Rachel. He loved her so much. She had given him his daughter, but it was more than that. Rachel was everything to him. She was the one Ross found after he got divorced, and he'd never stopped loving her. He'd been able to sidetrack himself at times, with Emily, and Elizabeth... and Chloe. He regretted her so much.

"If I hadn't done that, would we still be together?" Ross wondered.

He knew they would be. Ross never should have done it. He had just been so unsure of himself at the time. Rachel was just so beautiful. He knew someone else would want her, just as much as he did. Ross had been in love with her from the start. In high school, maybe it had just been a crush, but now Ross loved her for what a beautiful person she was.

Mark. Ross blamed the whole thing on Mark and himself. If it weren't for Mark, they never would have fought in the first place, and they would have never gone "on a break." Ross still couldn't stand those words. And if it weren't for Mark, Rachel never would have gotten the job in Paris. He hated him.

He checked his calendar, though he knew Emma was coming to visit him the next weekend. He wished Rachel would come with her. Everyone missed Rachel; Monica and Chandler, and Phoebe, and though he hadn't talked to Joey in a while, Ross knew he would miss Rachel too.

Ross checked his watch, it was time to leave. He had a date that night. A friend at work had been setting him up on dates, and Ross felt bad declining. He kissed their picture good-bye and then left.

Monica picked up the phone and dialed Rachel's number. She knew Rachel still loved Ross, and that Ross loved Rachel. She hated seeing them apart, when they would be so good together. The phone rang three times before Rachel picked up.

"Bonjour, c'est Rachel Greene," she answered.

"Rach, it's Monica," she said.

"Oh my goodness, Mon, I've been wanting to call you but I figured you would be busy what with Erica and Jack and the new house," Rachel rushed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, but I'm calling about you, Rach. We all miss you, and Emma deserves to see her mother and father both at one time. And I want you to see Erica and Jack, and they want to see their Aunt Rachel. Couldn't you come with her, just this once?" Monica pleaded with her.

Rachel hesitated and then slowly said, "No, I can't, I have way too much work to do. The new designers are coming in around that time, and I have to be at a meeting. I won't be able to get out of anything for a while. Maybe I'll be able to make it back for Emma's birthday."

"But that's not for months, honey. Jack and Erica are about to have their first birthday, and I want you to be there," Monica told her.

"Well, I'll think about it. It's not that I don't want to, but I have so much to do. I have to go sweetie," Rachel said.

"Okay, Monica replied sadly. She knew Rachel would never come. Why did she have to run away from this? And Ross was running from it, too. Monica just wished they could realize it for themselves. "Bye. Call me soon."

Rachel hung up the phone. She wanted to go back more than anything, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't face Ross, not after what had happened before she left. And yet she wanted to.

"I miss Mon, and Chandler, and Phoebe's having a baby, I want to see her. And Jack and Erica are probably so big now. And Ross, I haven't even spoken to him since I got here," Rachel thought.

"I'll ask if I can have next weekend off," she told herself.

_This is probably going to be my last chapter, but I'm going to start another Ross and Rachel story that's similar, but it'll just be better. Please review and tell me what you think._


End file.
